How can you find your steady source of strength?

Find your steady source of strength

I had my mum stay with me visiting from the UK. She’s 82 and she’s amazing – I realise now how lucky I am to be able to say that, because some people don’t feel like that about their parents – but I do and I really appreciate it and I can see how much strength she has given me. She can’t walk very well anymore and has had a few health issues over the past few years, so she didn’t know if she’d make it out it here again, but she kept a quiet hope inside that she might and she did! It’s that quiet hope that we all need sometimes to keep going when we want to give up.

I can’t tell you how nice it was to have her here. Having lived away from my home country for nearly 30 years, I do miss it and it means the world to me to have her here. My mum inspires me now. She hasn’t done anything that you’d outwardly recognise as amazing or different, but she’s been a steady source of strength and safety for me my whole life and I think that’s pretty amazing.

I’ve always traveled a lot – kinda just taken off really and followed an idea, taken a path and often one that surprises others or one that has not been walked very much. Just coming here from the UK after finishing UNI was a leap into the unknown, but knowing mum was there for me has been a guiding compass and a place to call home (oh no that’s mum’s favourite show!!!) I know that I was able to do that because I always knew I had a safe and solid base to go back to. A bit like a giant landing cushion under a giant hire-wire. It gave me the security to have a go and come back when I needed to – without judgment. Always a big hug and a welcome home where I felt loved and supported.

Being a mountain goat, I have a tendency to carry on regardless, doggedly following a plan even if it stops being fun or stops feeling right. But while I took a step back, I realised a few key things.

  1. Firstly I needed to let go of the struggle. I have a lot of integrity around what I’m doing and I truly believe in my own philosophies, so I needed to take a leaf out of my own book and LET GO and LET IT FLOW!
  2. I am committed to living to the principles of my program – but I realise that If I was to truly believe – I would be delivering more of my own creativity to the world.  So I’ve been working behind the scenes to create a new platform that’s been a seed of an idea for a very long time! – more about that soon!!!
  3. I needed to believe in myself more and give my own designs and ideas a place to shine.

If you’re taking a path less traveled, it can get a bit bumpy. We all need to know that someone’s got our back. That we are safe enough to take those steps and that if we fall (which we most likely will) that someone will be there to pick us up, dust us off and see us on our way.

If you’ve got a big business vision or just a big vision – you’re most likely a trailblazer of sorts. Sure, you might not be a born leader or a gregarious type – but you need to cut a track and that means you’ve got to find some strength to take some bold moves. Make some difficult decisions and find your own way.

For me, I have many people that are there for me, that I trust implicitly. I also have methods and rituals that I do that keep me strong and keep me going. This template will help you take stock of what you do, or bring you some new ideas of what you can do, to gather your personal army of supporters that will have your back. Or prepare a list of your own traits and traditions that you can build into a routine to keep you strong.


How do you keep your hopes and dreams alive? Learn to believe.

It’s Christmas time and I’m sitting here in a coffee shop in my hometown in England, lapping up the atmosphere of Christmas Spirit they do so well over here. Well, ok it is a little over the top but I love it. They call it the silly season, but I still believe in the spirit of Christmas. Visiting your hometown is always going to be a little reminiscent especially at Christmas and it has got me thinking how as a little girl, I used to believe anything was possible. That I could do anything, be anything have anything. If I wanted something, I’d go get it. A job, a holiday, a new pair of jeans, a place at my chosen University – It was pretty simple and things kinda fell into place quite easily.

The thing is, life has a way of taking away that simple ability to choose and go get what you want. We overthink, over-plan, overwork and start doubting our decisions. Things don’t go according to plan and the wonder of life gets buried in chores, duties, and demands and our ability to believe gets watered down and possibly even washed away.

I still believe anything is possible, I’m certain that is the case, but I know now that not everything is likely. Some things that were a ‘dead certainty’ for me have turned into an ‘I doubt it now’. I’ve been dealt enough false starts to let the doubts and dreads creep in and to be honest, it’s been a bit of struggle to sometimes turn it around and keep believing in what is possible for my life. Life has chipped away at my youthful energy and replaced it with a mature kind of reality that I, and most people I know, learn to live with and accept. But I know that many people let these hurdles chip away so much that they give up on their dreams. Many even experience far worse with anxiety and fear taking over their lives on a daily basis.

Amongst all the wishing, wanting, desiring and planning, I have learned a far more valuable lesson that gives me more peace and happiness than any possessions or achievement could ever give me. Because right now, I have more purpose and meaning than I ever had, I have a deeper knowing around who I am and what I really want. I’ve found a calm, centered place that I can go to regain belief in myself, faith in my direction. A place I can go where I can believe in me again. In my choices. In my direction. And that’s pretty much everything to me.

I have the faith and belief that I can do things My Way and that will be OK. Over the years I’ve tried to fit in, stand out, do things differently, do things that I was uncomfortable with, do things I didn’t want to do but felt I should do. I’ve followed gurus and learned from ‘experts’. Now I’m learning to trust myself again and do things that I believe will work and that I believe in wholeheartedly. I’ve learned to believe in myself, in my choices.

Because after all, if we can’t believe in ourselves, who can we believe in?

There are many – MANY things we can’t 100% rely on happening. Stuff happens. Good and Bad. Things don’t always work out as planned, in fact, things rarely work out as planned. Life doesn’t stay steady any more than Santa is going to jump down our chimney. But without good, there’d be no bad, ups and downs are the natural order of things. What we can do is learn to manage how we handle events and how we bounce back and get on moving towards what we really want, without being attached to whether we get it! How we get back to believing in ourselves again – every day.

I’ve learned a few key tricks that bring me back on track, back to believing … Here’s one of my favorites, it’s a simple mantra I use if doubts creep in:


The biggest problem with making a dream happen, or following an unknown path, is looking too far ahead and looking for answers that you won’t find – yet, or looking at the skills and knowledge you don’t have – yet, or getting overwhelmed with what it’s going to take to get to where you want to go. So, instead of worrying about all that, I simply acknowledge that – maybe it’s possible. I don’t discount it and give up. I don’t worry and stress and work myself silly trying to make it happen. I just say – maybe. Then I start to look for ways forward that may be possible. I start to look for signs and ideas that could take me closer. And most of all I listen to how I want to do it, how I choose to get there, how I can make it happen rather than looking at all the ways other people have done it, or not done it. And all the while I try to stay detached from the outcome, because whether I do or whether I don’t, I have found something far more valuable, that’s having the belief that it’s possible.

Find a quiet space inside where we can go and whisper to ourselves, maybe – just maybe – I can find a way My Way.

So yes, there are a lot of things I still want. Some material, some experiences, but the thing that brings me the most peace, is the knowledge that I can now get back on track and believe in myself again, belief in my own path.

As it’s nearing the end of the year, it’s a great time to check in and recommit to your direction or to let go of what is not serving you perhaps. It’s a time of mixed feelings – relief that a break is around the corner and hope that next year will bring prosperity and happiness.

  1. What do you believe to be possible in your life?
  2. What are your dreams and desires?
  3. What have you given up on?
    Can you start with Maybe?

If you don’t know what the question is, you’ll never find the answer.

Asking questions is sometimes the best way to move forward. And asking them out loud is much better than letting them sit and fester in your mind. Just finding the question, acknowledging the question and putting the question out there is a huge step forward, because it allows you space to wait for the answer to come back. The trouble is we spend a lot of time avoiding questions because we fear what the answer might entail. It involves thinking and that is scary huh?

We avoid thinking sometimes because we’d prefer to have things left as they are rather than disturbing unhealed wounds. Crazy as it seems, we prefer to trundle on struggling and working day after day, knowing deep down that something is not working, rather than slowing down and listening to our hearts that can guide us towards our next step. So why is it difficult to ask questions sometimes? Look at a small child and they’re full of questions. The world is just one big question! What, why, where, when … One after the other they just fall out of their mouths. But as we become adults, we hold stuff back. We think about what we say, try to craft a ‘clever question’ or a ‘question that will bear most fruit’ or just keep out mouths shut because it’s easier and we don’t want to make waves or look silly. Oh yeah, I feel that one – looking silly – we don’t want to do that do we!!!

So why are we so bad at asking questions these days? Here’s a few thoughts on that:

When we ask a question, we are acknowledging to ourselves that we don’t have the answer and sometimes that can be troublesome to our egos.
There’s many just like to think they know best, they’ve done it before so there’s nothing to learn, or that they can’t learn from anyone else.
Many a great question has gone unspoken from fear of looking foolish, or thinking that it’s silly or they should really know the answer.
We take it granted what ‘experts’ say – they must know better so who am I to question their judgement.
Then of course, you don’t know how to ask a question if you don’t know there’s an answer to be got! It’s just too hard to craft a question around a subject you don’t understand! You don’t hae the words for it –
And asking questions means you don’t know everything, you don’t have your shit together so people won’t take you seriously in your field …

Of course you don’t even have to ask the question directly to another person. Just by listening and acknowledging your own questions and releasing them out into the world, you open up space for the answer to come to you. It’s amazing how many times I’ve sat and thought about something that I’m stuck on, crafted a question, put it out there in my mind and let it go. The answer comes when you least expect it, or the person with the answer appears just at the right time with the answer to your question – often without even having to ask it directly.

Oh there’s so many reasons why we keep our mouths shut I know.

Asking questions:

  • Frees the mind to allow new ideas in
  • Helps you acknowledge your current situation from a real perspective
  • Helps you let go of worrying and fretting over what to do next
  • Keeps you curious
  • Gives you answers!
  • Helps you grow
  • Helps others grow – you’re probably going to answer a question that’s on other people’s minds too!

Holding questions back:

  • Weighs down the mind and creates stuck energy
  • Makes you feel annoyed with yourself for not having the guts to ask them!
  • Keeps you blocked from moving forward
  • Keeps you thinking inwardly and gives you a tendency to become insular
  • Stops growth for you and others

I love solving problems so I love asking questions. I love learning. I love the challenge of something new and seeking answers from a new perspective. I love to be inquisitive and curious and look for a new way, a new path, a new idea. It’s the creative in me. Here’s some great questions you might like to ask yourself

1. What is ONE question that you can ask – of yourself – or someone else, that will give you the biggest momentum, or clarity right now to move towards your dreams and visions more confidently? It might be tangible, or it might be more abstract.

Ask me now! Join me at Big Vision Baby Steps on facebook and I’ll answer your questions if I can!

Learn to commit and stay calm while you’re making big decisions

Creating anything takes time, whether it’s a healthy, strong body, a profitable business, or a happy home – doing something once is not going to get you there! Learning to commit is an essential skill for anyone. I know it’s challenging but there are 2 things I know to be true:

1. You have to commit to a course of action you feel confident and happy with
2. You have to re-commit regularly – it’s the second bit we struggle with I think!

Constantly questioning your decisions leads to uncertainty, confusion, and doubts, which is not only unproductive but very unsettling and disturbing! Being able to commit, even for a short period of time, allows us to focus on the task at hand – even if it’s something we might rather not be doing.

I think many people these days have a tendency to avoid commitment. Don’t want a ‘lock-in contract’ at the gym, want to be able to change their phone regularly and not have a large payout! It’s the nature of life, changeable and fluid, which is good – but can be a little ungrounding. But without some kind of commitment, there’s very little chance of actually achieving an outcome! It takes time to create something, whether it’s a strong body or a healthy business, regular, consistent activity is required.

So what do you do if you’re on a path, or in a commitment that you’re not sure about any more? Making a change can take a while to work out and while you’re in the middle of deciding what to do, don’t succumb to fear, doubts and worry.

Here’s my suggestions:

  • Put the question out there. Define what it is you need to make a decision on. Don’t brush it under the carpet and hope it will go away. Write it down. There’s usually 3 choices you have – accept it, change it or leave. If you can’t decide straight away, make a list of the things you need to keep doing in the mean time.
  • Put a timeframe on making a decision. Decide when you will decide by!
  • Make a small decision that you can stick with for a day, a week or whatever you know you can follow through with. It might be a decision on what you must do to keep going. Maybe minimise some of the more long-term activities and focus on the essential ones for a while.
  • Make an appointment with yourself to re-assess it in a short-term time – maybe a couple of days, or a week or two. Whatever timeframe you can completely commit to knowing that you’re not going to be worrying for that time.
  • Get on with your day, your week and focus on what needs to be done with complete faith that you’re on the right path, even if it’s only a short timeframe!
  • It will help you settle, clear your mind and allow you to come up with a more long-lasting decision that you can stick with for a longer period of time.

Photo by Luke Porter on Unsplash